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Jokes

Funny Divorce Joke

After a series of hot arguments which were not resolved, a couple went to a divorce court to sever ties with each other after 10 years of marriage.

Judge:    Did you really consider your decisions before seeking a divorce?

Couple:   Yes, Sir (They responded in unison)

Judge:    Should I allow you one more week to think through your decision?

Couple:   No Sir! We want a divorce now! (They chorused their response)

Judge:    Between the two of you, who do you think is working against your marriage?

Man:       She is the cause

Woman:  She is the real problem here

Judge:    It seems both of you have a hand in this issue and it can be solved by both without any divorce. Can we talk about the issues bothering you and solve the problem instead of divorce being the last option you have chosen?

Couple:   No, Sir! Divorce now!

Judge:     How will you handle the car that you both contributed money to buy?

Couple:   “We shall sell it and share the money,” they said in unison again.

Judge:     I know that this marriage has been blessed with 3 wonderful kids that you have three kids? How will you share your kids too?

Couple: (After a long discussion between the two couple seeking a divorce, they reached an agreement and said to the judge): “No problem sir, we shall come back next year with one more kid making it four to make the sharing easier.

The following year, the judge bumped into the couple in a mall doing shopping together and he was glad thinking the couple had mended the broken relationship.

Judge: I’m glad to see you guys happily living together and I thank God that divorce is

  no longer your last option.

Couple: We still want a divorce! Sir, this is not a joke. We are not joking!

Judge:       O, why?

Man:         We wanted another baby to make it 4 to make the sharing easier but                                 unfortunately, we had twins this year making the number of kids 5.

Woman:    We are considering having another baby next year making it 6 so please pray

 for us.

Judge:      I wonder who even joined the 2 of you together in the first place.

Did you enjoy our funny joke? Kindly comment and tell us your joke or experience on any funny divorce joke.

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Jokes

3 Jokes About A Troublesome Kid And His Teacher

Have you ever come across a stubborn child who makes life a living hell for all those around him or her? Well, read and share this joke about a stubborn child and his teacher.

  1. In The Health Science Class

Teacher: What is a condom?

Kid: A balloon that adults and couples use to kill innocent babies and they are happy at the end.

Teacher: Whaaat?

(Class bursts into uncontrollable laughter)

  1. Homework Troubles

Teacher: Why didn’t you do your homework?

Kid: My mother tore my homework book.

Teacher: Why will your mother do such a thing?

Kid: She tore the pages and gave them to daddy to write undertaking not to spend my school fees on small girls again.

Teacher: Hmmmm. Now sit down and do the test on the board.

Kid: Sir, can you lend me your pen?

Teacher: So you mean you came to school without a pen to write?

Kid: Not that, Sir. My father was still writing his undertaking with my pen when I left the house.

  1. Troublesome Child Goes To School Late

Teacher: Why are you coming to school late?

Kid: My parents were fighting.

Teacher: How does that prevent you from coming to school early?

Kid: My mother picked my shoes and threw them at dad. Dad also used my uniform to beat mum.

Teacher: Oh that’s bad. But why do your parents always use your school bag, shoes and uniform to fight.

Kid:  I overhead dad accusing mum for refusing to abort me.

Teacher: No wonder.

Have you had a good laughter after reading the 3 Jokes About A Troublesome Kid And His Teacher? Comment to tell us your views and share with friends and loved ones 

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Jokes

JOKE|10 Questions Mrs. Charlotte Osei May Ask You If You Want To Marry Her Daughter

Have you ever thought of how it will be like to be the son or daughter in-law to some of our astute politicians and celebrities in Ghana? Well, we are just imagining what a potential son in-law may go through to get the hand in marriage of some of our celebrities.

Kindly note that this is purely a joke without any ulterior motive and should be treated as such.

MARRIAGE PROPOSAL QUESTIONS FOR POTENTIAL SON IN-LAW

Dear Potential Son In-Law,

Kindly take time to answer the following questions to register and authenticate your intentions for my daughter’s hand in marriage.

Rules & Regulations

  1. Answer all questions as specified on the paper especially Question 7
  2. No cancellations are allowed.
  3. Do not be in a hurry to hold press conferences to declare yourself as having passed the exams because many independent candidates are also taking the test. Only certified marked scripts may be considered.
  4. Pass mark is 90% (No second chance for failed candidates. This is not general election process).
  5. Candidates who passed this initial process will be notified for the face to face interview (No need to panic, we can assure you of no media presence)

Section A – Personal Information (20 Minutes) Answer All Questions

  1. Are you a certified Ghanaian with any national certified ID? [1 Mark]
  1. Which certified university did you attend in Ghana or outside Ghana? [1 Mark]
  1. Have your parents endorsed your intentions to ask for my daughter’s hand in marriage? [3 Marks]
  1. Do you have any criminal records that could abrogate your intentions for my daughter’s hand in marriage? (Whether yes or no, please attach police report on your next interview date) [5 Marks]

Section B – Maturity & Intellectual Base (Short Essays) 40 Minutes

  1. How can the saying elections are won at the polling stations and not in the EC’s office be applicable in relationships and marriage? [5 Marks]
  1. In not more than 500 words, explain 3 ways how different political backgrounds and opinions can affect your marriage and give 2 ways how it can unite both partners. [5 Marks]
  1. What did you say about your potential mother in-law when over 25 million Ghanaians were insulting me over election result delays? [50 Marks]
  1. In not more than 1000 words, describe how your association with my daughter could destroy my hard won reputation or enhance it.[10 Marks]
  1. (Follow Up Question to Q.8) The moment you marry my daughter, you will receive media attention and celebrity status. List 5 ways of managing your celebrity status in order not to destroy your reputation as well as that of my family, thus if not yet in the limelight. [10 Marks]

Bonus Question

  1. Explain 3 reasons why you want to marry the EC Chair’s Daughter and 2 reasons why your proposal could be terminated [10 Marks]

Hope we put a smile on your face with the joke, 10 Questions Mrs. Charlotte Osei may ask you if you want to marry her daughter. Kindly share with friends and loved ones and put a smile on their faces too.

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Jokes

Top 20 Funny Quotes From Ghana’s December 7 Elections

Many Ghanaians are now sitting on tenterhooks as they anxiously wait for the declaration of the December 7 General Election Results by the Electoral Commission (EC). The more the EC waits, the more pressure and tension mounts on both the ruling party and the biggest opposition party. Several press conferences have been done by both parties to declare themselves as the winner of the December 7 Elections.

Well, I am not here to add up to the confusion, pressure and tension mounting up in the system but to make you laugh to release them and be free.

Kindly note that this is purely a hilarious quote and the creative works of the writer and blogger, Ernest K. Akorli, just for comic relieve and never meant to degrade or insult anyone. Please no hard feelings here, so let’s laugh together.

Top 20 Funny Quotes From Ghana’s December 7 Elections

  1. Self-witchcraft is when you are able to queue in the hot and unfriendly African sun for 4 hours just to vote for a politician to live a better life and chop your money better but you cannot sit down for  2 hours and plan your own life. My brother, you need some lashes, double baptism and deliverance.
  1. To the ladies, if you are very pretty and dating a politician but he is still cheating on you with another lady who is no better match to your beauty and character, then know that, that woman may be into vote buying. Don’t say your guy has been bewitched, vote buying is the language politicians understand.
  1. NPP said: “We are winning”. NDC said: “We are comfortably leading” but we all know who is trailing. The Electoral Commission can pretend not to know, we all know the results already.
  1. People like Asiedu Nketiah (General Mosquito) should stay away from speaking at Press Conferences when the foreign observers and media are around. They will capture him on BBC, CNN and Aljazeera and the whole world will be confused. The whites will think there is a terrible famine in Ghana if a whole General Secretary is looking skinny this way and wonder how the average Ghanaian will look like. Please keep General Mosquito off the media, he can be the leader of the Special Delegates to secure a big loan for Ghana at the World Bank at no interest.
  1. I’m still thinking of what the politicians who scored 0.11% from the Presidential Elections will tell their children for performing poorly in school. May be it’s genetic; like father like son or like mother like daughter.
  1. Sorry to the ladies who are dating politicians or getting married to them; even when they know that they are losing, they will organize many press conferences to deceive their followers and give them false hope.
  1. The behavior of the leadership of the NDC reminds me of King Herod in the Bible. When he heard that the King of the Jews, the Messiah had been born, he did everything to kill him and prevent him from reigning but he never succeeded.
  2. To the ladies, henceforth, you must respect short men because the finest gentleman on the land in 2017 will be a short and a cute man. No more flexing the short men. Short people are bae.
  1. A loser is the man that hears the word change but goes ahead to build interchanges thinking it will please his people.
  1. Blessed are the politicians who borrowed more money from their bankers and people for election campaigns and vote buying but lost at the end, for they shall not enjoy the Christmas and New Year because debtors and bankers will come after them.
  1. Many of you won’t mind your pastors and bishops if they had told you that there will be a great supernatural encounter at an all-night service but a lot of you will do all night sessions sitting by your radio and Tv sets listening to Election Results. Some of you will bind, cast and loose “sleep & dozing off” so that they won’t change the results while you sleep.
  1. One Ghana, One Election, One Vote But Many False Declarations. Don’t be surprised because most politicians don’t tell us the truth.
  1. Disloyalty is where you own over 75 companies and over 6000 employees nationwide and still score zero percent even when the EC uses your banking premises for a polling station. Know that you have employed only the opposition members who will do everything to sabotage your ideas.
  1. Who votes for who is none of my business but I don’t understand the great love exhibited by the prisoners who voted for the NDC to stay in power and not be like them when a former minister openly said that most of the NDC guys will be in prison if they lose the elections. You are still suffering in prison for stealing a small amount of money but you do not want the chief stealers too to come to where you are?
  1. It is very frustrating when you do many press conferences to declare that you are in a comfortable lead but the other aspirants and the US Ambassador to Ghana go ahead and congratulate another person for winning.
  1. To the NPP, the Ghanaians who voted for you today will do same as the NDC to you if you refuse to listen to the voice of the people.
  1. Don’t go to work late and tease your boss especially if he is in the losing team. You could risk your job and get fired.
  1. I can only imagine the missed feelings of the wife of the independent presidential candidate. Anytime her friends call her Madam First Lady, she will not know whether they are happy for her or simply mocking at her.
  1. I don’t know what is happening in the Volta Region which is the World Bank of the NDC for votes. It seems they are now turning into microfinance companies because of the unfavourable conditions of the NDC government.
  1. A strong man and a man of faith is the one who loses most of his men in parliament and still have hope that all is well. It is not over until the EC will say game over.

Did you have a good laugh from the Top 20 Funny Quotes from the Ghana’s December 7 Elections? Tell us which one is your favourite quote by commenting.

Before You Leave Us, Enjoy One of These Stories:
1. The Funny Old Woman Giving A Pastor Direction, You Can’t Stop Laughingt

2. 10 Ways To Know You Are A Blessing To People

3. Help Me To Steal

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Jokes

10 Rib Cracking Jokes From Ghana’s December 7 Elections

Cool down! Relax! The pressure is becoming too much. People’s eyes are too red; they haven’t had any sleep just listening and counting results. Now take a minute to laugh small.

Disclaimer: This is purely a joke created by the writer and blogger, Ernest K. Akorli so it should be treated as such.

10 Rib Cracking Jokes From Ghana’s December 7 Elections

  1. Accountant On Phone With Dr. Paa Kwasi Nduom

Accountant: Good Morning, Doc.

Dr. Nduom: Good Morning

Accountant: Please I’ve finished working on the Christmas Bonus, December Salaries and Next Year Salary increments.

Dr. Nduom: You what? Accountant, everything should be suspended for now.

Accountant: Oh, Sir! Why? You instructed me to prepare them.

Dr. Nduom: Did you hear of the single 1 vote project for the PPP after the elections?

Accountant: Yes, Sir, but not yet certified by the EC.

Dr. Nduom: I own over 75 companies with hundreds of workers nationwide and yet I got just one single vote in most of the Centers. What does that tell you?

Accountant: Oh, Sir, …..

Dr. Nduom: Oh, what? If my own workers will not think of me and massively vote for me then I have to suspend the Christmas bonus and next year salary increment for now.

Accountant: That will be a difficult thing to tell the workers, Sir.

Dr. Nduom: Is that a difficult thing than the humiliating defeat I’m going through?

Accountant: Sir, so what should I tell the workers?

Dr. Nduom: Tell them to go to whoever they voted for, for their Christmas bonuses, packages and next year salary increment.

Accountant: But Sir, ……

Dr. Nduom: Please don’t disturb me, I’m calculating my total votes.

Accountant: Oh, but you should have told me to assist you with that, Sir.

Dr. Nduom: I don’t need calculators and professionals to add single digit votes.

  1. Mahama And His Wife

Lordina: My dear, did you hear the results from Circle, Kasoa, Kumasi and others?

Mahama: Yeah, not quite impressive though.

Lordina: It seems like the people want CHANGE but not the INTERCHANGE you built for them.

Mahama: Well, you can’t judge too soon. Let’s wait for all the results.

Lordina: Hmmmm. If you are not careful, you, Mahama, will cry mamaaaa.

  1. J.J. Rawlings And His Wife

Konadu: The election results didn’t go well at all.

Rawlings: Well, Ghana has decided.

Konadu: I’m disappointed. If all women had voted for the first woman to contest the presidential, I would have won.

Rawlings: Why should you be disappointed when you knew right from the beginning that you will never win?

  1. Ayariga And His Wife

Anita: My Dear, can I ask you a question?

Ayariga: Why not!

Anita: You told me it was your childhood dream and desire to be president. You have contested and contested again and this time too, no show. Are you really sure of this dream?

Ayariga: My dear, don’t worry. I still have more chance to contest. Even Ghana’s Mugabe contested at age 72.

Anita: Do you think contesting the Presidential Elections is like writing Nov/Dec exams in Ghana?

  1. Akuffo Addo & His Wife

Rebecca: My Dear, it seems this change thing will work this time.

Nana: The battle is the Lord’s.

Rebecca: But all the scaring results from the Volta Region haven’t come yet

Nana: Still, the battle is the Lord’s. That is just one region

Rebecca: You sit there and be confident. That is what happened during the last elections and you turned our bedroom into a museum and always looking through pink sheets.

Nana: Please bring me more Kalyppo. I need something to quench my thirst.

Rebecca: Eeeiii! Kalyppo die3, wo p3 papa!

 

  1. Akua Donkor

Journalist: Madam, so how do you see this year’s general elections?

Akua Donkor: We all saw what happened in Ghana about the ERECTIONS so why are you asking of what I alone saw?

  1. Independent Candidate & Wife

Jake: This year’s election didn’t favour the smaller political parties at all.

Wife: But you knew that none of theme was expecting a win.

Jake: That is true anyway.

Wife: But please listen to my advice next time.

Jake: Why?

Wife: Anytime my friends call me Independent First Lady, I get confused. I do not know whether they are happy for me or just mocking at me.

  1. Edward Mahama & His Wife

Wife: I’m surprised you’re still awake watching Tv for the results. Won’t you sleep?

Eddie: I’m not necessarily following the results. Thinking about my retirement as well.

Wife: What is it about your retirement by this time?

Eddie: Do you think it’s easy to go on retirement with consistent records of failure?

  1. Warning!! Warning!!

Don’t go to work late and tease your boss especially if he is in the losing team. You could risk your job and get fired.

  1. Blessed Are The Politicians

Blessed are the politicians who borrowed more money from their bankers and people for election campaigns and vote buying but lost at the end for they shall not enjoy the Christmas and New Year because debtors and bankers will come after them.

Did you enjoy the jokes? Which one was your best? Comment and tell us. Kindly share the jokes with friends to release their stress.

Before you leave, enjoy this joke: The Funny Old Woman Giving A Pastor Direction, You Can’t Stop Laughingt

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Jokes

The Funny Old Woman: You Can’t Stop Laughing

The Funny Old Woman: You Can’t Stop Laughing. You Need to Meet Her One Day

A preacher was getting late for a preaching appointment in a new town. Tried as he could, he could not find his direction and unfortunately, he forgot to pick his phone out of haste. He approached an old lady siting by the roadside to seek her assistance for direction.

“Hello Granny, can you direct me to the Seven Angels Chapel?” he asked.

“Oh that is not too far from here”, the old lady responded. “Just drive northward along the main road, drive, drive, drive and drive until you come across a blue lotto kiosk, don’t mind the lotto man in the kiosk, drive pass him. Drive, drive and drive until you come across a T-Junction.

“Turn to your right and drive, drive, drive and drive until you see a short woman selling at a fast food joint. Don’t stop to ask for directions because she won’t mind you thinking you are a customer who wants to skip the queue to buy food. Just continue to drive until you meet a crippled man who always sits at a small junction to beg for money. Ask him of the direction to the church… He lives just beside that church but he doesn’t like attending church at all. That is the only problem I have with him and he won’t listen to my advice too. He prefers to sit by the roadside and beg for money and have his fair share of the offerings people will give on that day.

“Pastor, let me warn you. He will pretend to stammer to make his condition look worse to attract your sympathy and demand money for giving you direction. He is the only cripple that charges people for giving them direction.

“Aha, that reminds me. In case you get there and the crippled man gets enough money and leaves earlier, drive back to me and I’ll tell you what to do next?”, she ended her direction and smiled at the preacher.

The preacher man, who was late and didn’t want to look rude by walking away but decided to have some little patience and listen the old woman was shocked and didn’t know what to tell her.

The old woman, having realized the preacher man wasn’t talking decided to ask him a question.

“Pastor, are you confused or you didn’t get the direction well”, she asked. “Don’t worry! I’m very kind and patient enough to start all over again until you get the direction right”, she added.

“Oh, I’ve got it. Thanks so much for your time. I really appreciate it”, the preacher said and sped away.

The old woman stared at him and shook her head and said: “I know he will certainly be lost. I see it written all over his face. If you cannot get this simple direction then how do you expect your church members to understand the difficult things you preach on the platform”.

Did you have a good laugh? How about this one:The Smart Newly Wedded Couple

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Jokes

JOKE: Which One Is More Dangerous?

Which one is more dangerous, the murder case or the process of registering marriage?

The choice is yours to make about this joke: Which is more dangerous.

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Jokes

JOKE: Name One Animal That Lives In Water

Joke of the Day: Name One Animal That Lives In Water.

Sometimes, students ask either funny and weird questions and also give answers that will keep you staring at them and not knowing what to do. It is fun to be a teacher. If you were the teacher that asked your student this question and he or she answered you in this way, what will be your response?

Will you laugh, ask your student to try again or lash him or her for giving you such an answer? Don’t forget to share with friends to put a smile on their faces.

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Jokes

Caption This Birthday Cake

Your sweetheart or boyfriend wanted to surprise you on your birthday with a birthday cake only for you to receive this. What will be your reaction?

And as a matter of fact, how will you feel as a husband or a boyfriend if another man sends this birthday cake to your wife? Will you ever suspect a foul play if this cake is presented to your wife or woman by a man?

Will you ever believe or suspect her to be cheating on you? How about if the brazier on the cake is exactly the same type that she has been wearing most often? Tell us your views and perhaps, what you will probably do if your partner receives such a ridiculous birthday cake.

And how about if this gift is coming from yourself as the husband or the boyfriend? Ladies, will you consider this as romantic or something out of place?

And to the pastors, how will you feel if someone presents this birthday cake to your unmarried daughter on her birthday?

Guys, over to you to answer.

Anyway, caption this picture of the week.

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Jokes Tech & Social Media

Caption This Picture of the Week

Sometimes, some people especially ladies, can take some weird pictures leaving many people wondering whether it was deliberate, madness, fun or otherwise.

A lot of some pictures have failed and some have gone viral depending on how the picture was taken. Our team chanced on this one.

Can you caption it?