I have been following you a lot and God richly bless you for the good works you have been doing to encourage people and assist them out of their troubles. I have this thing on my mind that has been killing me for long and I don’t know how to get it out of my mind.
I’m Winnie, 25 years old. It all started about a month ago when my big sister was taken ill after losing her first pregnancy. Her condition was bad to the extent that I was asked by my mum to go and take care of her since I had lost my job by then. I didn’t raise any objection to this since my sister and I were the coolest friends ever. I was even her maid of honour and you can imagine the bond of friendship that exists between us.
I was basically doing all the house chores from laundry, cleaning to cooking and any other activities I was asked to assist them. After three days of staying with them, I notice some unusual staring at me from my sister’s husband but I quickly ignored any dirty thought that came in mind.
The following day, my sister was to go for checkup and I was supposed to accompany her to the hospital but the husband insisted that I stayed at home and prepare some food for lunch since he had taken a day off to drive her to the hospital himself.
I had finished preparing the food and decided to wash down and freshen up. I returned to my room knowing very well that I was the only person in the house and as soon as I took off my cloth to apply pomade on my body, my sister’s husband just bulged into my room and pounced on me. I was scared and screamed but he overpowered me and covered my mouth and raped me. He deliberately left the money in the house and decided to leave my sister in the hospital and come back for it having me in mind to have his amorous acts with.
He carelessly tour me into pieces and broke my virgin despite my struggles and tears. Having realized how I was crying and bleeding, he went on his knees and apologized for letting lust overcome him to break my virginity. He then warned me not let my sister know since she was in a critical condition and asked me not to destroy his marriage by telling my sister what he has done. He even went to the extent that he could also tell lies that I rather lured him when he came home to take the money.
To cut a long story short, I left the house after a week without telling my sister what the husband had done because her conditions were still critical. I lied to my sister that I was called for a job interview and left the house.
Ernest, I am very much depressed and greatly worried and can’t get this out of my mind. Another thing that hurts me so much and gives me sleepless night is telling my fiancé who understood me when I told him no sex before marriage. How can I tell him too that I have been raped by my own sister’s husband? He is currently planning to do the knocking in some few weeks’ time to ask for my hand in marriage and he’s so happy that I have maintained my virginity for him. How about if I tell him and he overreacts and mishandles this case by telling my sister who is free with him?
I’m greatly worried because if this case crops up some years later, my sister may think and believe that I rather lured the husband into bed, hence refusing to tell her. And moreover, I feel so sorry for myself and my fiancé who still believes I’m a virgin for him since he has also kept his virginity.
Please Ernest, what should I do? Should I tell my sister and my fiancé about what has happened? I need answers from you and your readers.
Worried & Disturbed Winnie
What is your response to the writer? Any pieces of advice for this lady? Please be kind in your response and avoid the use of insults or abusive words. This can happen to you too. Kindly comment with your pieces of advice. You can also send us your worries to firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com
Dear Worried Winnie,
We truly sympathize with you for the trauma you are going through in life. It is the pride of most young women to keep their virginity till marriage but it is unfortunate that you lose yours through circumstances beyond your control but that is not the end of your life.
We truly believe that, you can get this emotional pain and torture out of your mind if only you can observe these few guidelines.
- Try to visit the hospital for checkup.
It is important to do this because you may stand the risk of contracting any STD or STI. You cannot believe all is okay. Who knows if your sister’s husband has many sexual partners apart from your sister? Visiting the hospital and running some tests based on your doctor’s advice could also prevent any unwanted pregnancies and any further complications as a result of the rape.
- Seek Professional Counselling
Most virgins or ladies who are raped before marriage have a lot of nightmares when it comes to the issue of sex, hence most of them do not enjoy sex at all. They normally have the flashback of the terrible times they went through when being raped. Your professional counselor can also assist you to be focused in life knowing very well that, all hope is not lost.
- Confide In Your Fiancé
My dear, if only you want to really move on with your fiancé who is preparing to do the knocking and ask of your hand in marriage, then you have to tell him what happened. Tell him to trust you in what you are going to tell him because it is of great concern and worry to you. Ask him to promise you not to blow the issue out of hand but to assist you to come out of the pains you are going through. Make sure that your fiancé isn’t in a bad mood before you break this news to him. Once he listens to you and consoles you and promises you not to worry and forget about it, you can decide to forget about telling your sister. This can break her marriage as well. It is important to tell your fiancé and not hide it from him because if the relationship ends in marriage, he will be greatly disappointed to find out that you deceived him to be a virgin.
- Forgive And Let Go Off The Pain
Whatever thing you forgive, you let go and overcome but whatever thing you hold onto, may break you and eventually destroys your life. Forgiveness is one of the powerful tools that sets your spirit free. Learn to forgive yourself and your sister’s husband.
- Prayer is an important key in total restoration
Prayer is one of the fastest means to having a total restoration in the Lord. Your joy and happiness in life may be taken away but God can restore your joy, happiness and confidence in life again.
- Be focused in life but not on your mess
Most often than not, a lot of people keep on staring and focusing on the mess they have caused or found themselves in. Your past is no longer important to you if you really want to move on to the next level in life. Stay focused on the big picture of your destiny ahead and stop crying and worrying yourself over the past life. No amount of tears and worry can restore what you have lost in the past.
Wishing you well and praying for you.