When it comes to matters of the heart, I am always indifferent and careful with meddling with men because the bad examples of my parents’ marriage alone was just enough to advise me to stay away from men. I detest blowing my own horns but when it comes to physical beauty and character, I can attest to the fact that I belong to my own class. I simply possess that eye catching and lustful features of a woman that the rich and immoral men will do anything just to have in bed.
I was brought up the Christian way so right from infancy, my parents and church leaders hammered Christian virtues such as purity and holiness into my head. And whenever I openly say that I am a virgin, people normally exclaim: “Do we still have virgins in our days?”
The shock from people to know I’m still a virgin and the expression of disbelief on their faces make it look like I was stupid to be a very pretty woman and still remain a virgin and this, they do not understand. I was 23 when I met Joe in my first year at the University. Joe had all it takes for a woman to believe that we shall both make a good home and be the happiest couple ever. He really knew how to worm his way into my heart and he did perfectly that to sweep me off my feet to fall in love with him. He knew I was not the type of ladies who just allowed any man at all into their lives though the prettiest ladies on campus had no breathing space from both lecturers and student suitors.
Joe knew that all I wanted was a friend, a study mate and he really played that role but soon, he developed love for me and proposed and it took me almost four months to accept. We had been in the relationship for almost a year when Joe broke up with me for a mysterious reason that is still best known to him alone.
He was my first lover and I couldn’t stand the shock from the heartbreak. I was almost going crazy and losing my mind very fast. Out of frustrations, I went to the seaside to cool off the pressure of thinking about the guy who brought me much love but mysteriously left me in a wonderland without any explanation despite countless attempts to find out by myself and friends.
I decided to end it all by drowning myself in the sea which was just closer to the University of Cape Coast but a young gentleman who was observing me from a distance ran to my rescue. He was Terry, a second year mate who had come to study by the seaside.
After the aborted plan to kill myself, I decided to find Joe, my mysterious ex but he never wanted to see me face to face. Finding him and talking to him had become a burden. On one successful attempt, he apologized to me and wept bitterly before me that he had to call it a quit because of personal reasons and he would like to treat it personal. He assured me that I had done nothing wrong and never deserved the kind of pain I went through.
Well, I decided to move on with my life and fix all the broken pieces. And during all those times, Terry took the place of Joe, my ex. He was always checking on me to make sure I wouldn’t cause any harm to myself. He became a friend, a study mate and became more than a brother to me.
After two years, my friendship with Terry grew from study mates and close friends into a relationship. I had no doubt about Terry and his care and love for me right from the time I met him. I always thanked God for bringing Terry into my life. He just made life more meaningful and worth living to the maximum when I wanted to cut short my own life.
And now it was in our final year when I received another shock of my life. Terry sent me a message on whatsApp calling off the relationship. My heart melted at once when I read the message. At first, I thought it was one of his usual jokes which had gone to the extreme.
In the evening, I met him to find out the reasons for his breakup with me and I was totally disappointed. He could not look at me in the face. He was sore hearted and shedding bitter tears. It was as if we were both mourning the fresh demise of a dearly loved one.
Terry had once told me of dating one girl at home before coming to the university. According to him, he attempted quitting the relationship when he went to university because he never trusted the girl and she has too many skeletons in her cupboard. He managed to breakup with her while in the university and it was during the times of nursing the pain of breakup and trying to forget about it that he went to the beach and rescued me who was also trying to kill myself because of a breakup.
According to Terry, Marian, his ex, paid him a surprise visit one day to make amends and promised to stay faithful to him. He told her he has moved on with another woman but Marian wasn’t ready to listen to any other story. She ended up sleeping in his room for three nights and they ended up making a baby in the process.
Terry could not tell me of his illicit affair with his ex. Though I spotted his weird and awkward behavior, he brushed the idea off when I queried him and said he would be fine. And now, Marian, Terry’s ex is pregnant for him. According to Terry, he pleaded and pleaded with her to abort the pregnancy but she was rather very glad of the pregnancy because it was a nice opportunity for a reunion. And to cover the disgrace, Terry was prepared to use his little investment to organize the customary marriage before the rumours of his illicit affairs spread like bushfire fearing his position as an elder in the church would be stripped off from him.
I was disappointed. I was badly hurt and I didn’t know how to ever forgive Terry for bringing me so much happiness and the worst of all pains in my life. I decided to move on in life and focus on finishing my academics in the university since two of my grades in my favourite courses in the university turned out to be my worst performance ever in the university but unfortunately, I always think of Terry though we both broke up.
I never knew what was happening to me, I kept on visiting Terry to check on him and it was like I was finding my ex everywhere he went. It was very hard for me to let go though. This issue had caused me to miss some lessons.
One day, I went for lectures only to see some equations written on the board for each student to try hands on. After sometime, the lecturer asked all the students to stop and wanted to call one student to mention what the answer was. Unfortunately for me, I couldn’t write down anything. I had missed all the earlier lectures and never knew which formula to use.
“Tina, can you help us with the answer? Find X in this equation”, the lecturer asked and beckoned me to come forward for the marker and solve the problem. I stood up but I was completely lost in thoughts. The lecturer asked the question again: “Can you find X?”
Out of frustration and confusion that have bewildered me, I shouted with my last strength: “I’m tired of finding my ex, Sir. Enough of this ex, ex and ex issues. Please let me be and concentrate on my life”, I exclaimed.
I didn’t know what I had done. The whole lecture hall was very quiet. Unfortunately, all the students burst into uncontrollable laughter and there, I realized I was in the lecture hall and caused a great mess. I couldn’t stand the shame, the embarrassment and mockery from friends and program mates so I left the hall.
But was it really true that I said I was tired of finding my ex? Anyway, I got myself ready because I would be an object of mockery for saying I was tired of finding my ex. The lecturer had earlier asked me whether I was going through some tough times because of my dwindling academic performance so he wasn’t surprised of the mess I caused. As a father and a married man who knew the consequences of breakup, he sent the course reps to convince me to see him for advice. I obliged and visited him for advice on how to move on despite the ugly situations and hurting memories of life.
Well folks, this is my story. If it had not been the LORD on my side, I would have died from heartbreak. May you find the peace of God in same or similar situation. As for me, I was simply tired of finding my ex.
Writer: Pretty Tina
Final Year Student at University of Cape Coast